I’m a comedian living in Los Angeles, CA. I like to make people laugh and write things. I can make you laugh or write things for you. Go ahead and try me.My least favorite everything.Tumblr (3.0; @patrickmelton)http://pmelt.com/If you don’t hear from me in 20 minutes, call a medic.<img src="http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l838vhDrWA1qzoep1o1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>If you don’t hear from me in 20 minutes, call a medic.</p>http://pmelt.com/post/1049783374http://pmelt.com/post/1049783374Wed, 01 Sep 2010 17:54:38 -0400If you’re thinking about being a comedian, this is how you...<object width="400" height="336"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/ecuf3fBhq2Q&rel=0&egm=0&showinfo=0&fs=1"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/ecuf3fBhq2Q&rel=0&egm=0&showinfo=0&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="400" height="336" allowFullScreen="true" wmode="transparent"></embed></object><br/><br/><p>If you’re thinking about being a comedian, this is how you get started. Seriously.</p>http://pmelt.com/post/1045732327http://pmelt.com/post/1045732327Tue, 31 Aug 2010 23:11:54 -0400What the shit, iTunes?<img src="http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l7xg2p82vG1qzoep1o1_500.png"/><br/><br/><p>What the shit, iTunes?</p>http://pmelt.com/post/1032281583http://pmelt.com/post/1032281583Sun, 29 Aug 2010 14:44:49 -0400I’m a comedian and I’m doing very well.<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l7m6p3a3Gm1qzoep1o1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>I’m a comedian and I’m doing very well.</p>http://pmelt.com/post/998705850http://pmelt.com/post/998705850Mon, 23 Aug 2010 12:47:32 -0400Video<object width="400" height="256" classid="clsid:d27cdb6e-ae6d-11cf-96b8-444553540000" id="ordie_player_b8452a4111"><param name="movie" value="http://player.ordienetworks.com/flash/fodplayer.swf" /><param name="flashvars" value="key=b8452a4111" /><param name="allowfullscreen" value="true" /><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always" /><embed width="400" height="256" flashvars="key=b8452a4111" allowfullscreen="true" allowscriptaccess="always" quality="high" src="http://player.ordienetworks.com/flash/fodplayer.swf" name="ordie_player_b8452a4111" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed></object><br/><br/>http://pmelt.com/post/943026494http://pmelt.com/post/943026494Thu, 12 Aug 2010 13:45:51 -0400Sometimes you have to be forceful when making a request.<img src="http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l6w4hsJs9W1qzoep1o1_500.png"/><br/><br/><p>Sometimes you have to be forceful when making a request.</p>http://pmelt.com/post/927313843http://pmelt.com/post/927313843Mon, 09 Aug 2010 11:03:28 -0400I’m at a Cuban cafe that feels like a soup kitchen, only...<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l6tqmjFICz1qzoep1o1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>I’m at a Cuban cafe that feels like a soup kitchen, only the white people are on the wrong side of the counter.</p>http://pmelt.com/post/921483968http://pmelt.com/post/921483968Sun, 08 Aug 2010 04:08:11 -0400Come Undone - Duran Duran<embed type="application/x-shockwave-flash" src="http://pmelt.com/swf/audio_player.swf?audio_file=http://www.tumblr.com/audio_file/919133082/tumblr_l6sw98u1e71qzoep1&color=FFFFFF" height="27" width="207" quality="best"></embed><br/><br/><p>Come Undone - Duran Duran</p>http://pmelt.com/post/919133082http://pmelt.com/post/919133082Sat, 07 Aug 2010 17:12:44 -0400This sketch artist looks like he is portraying the final seconds...<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l6skukw9Sz1qzoep1o1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>This sketch artist looks like he is portraying the final seconds before a brutal rape.</p>http://pmelt.com/post/918303770http://pmelt.com/post/918303770Sat, 07 Aug 2010 13:06:20 -0400I call bullshit.<img src="http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l6mu7ejpqo1qzoep1o1_250.png"/><br/><br/><p>I call bullshit.</p>http://pmelt.com/post/903115661http://pmelt.com/post/903115661Wed, 04 Aug 2010 10:42:50 -0400Pilot fakes passing out and scares the bejeezus out of the...<object width="400" height="336"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/ScvG0r6Z2Ac&rel=0&egm=0&showinfo=0&fs=1"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/ScvG0r6Z2Ac&rel=0&egm=0&showinfo=0&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="400" height="336" allowFullScreen="true" wmode="transparent"></embed></object><br/><br/><p>Pilot fakes passing out and scares the bejeezus out of the passenger.</p>http://pmelt.com/post/872059352http://pmelt.com/post/872059352Wed, 28 Jul 2010 16:32:21 -0400Looking at a billboard for Hennessy Black. Isn’t that...<img src="http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l698eyyhDI1qzoep1o1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>Looking at a billboard for Hennessy Black. Isn’t that redundant?</p>http://pmelt.com/post/869589533http://pmelt.com/post/869589533Wed, 28 Jul 2010 02:22:40 -0400The Tampa Improv has decided my show is worth seven dollars.<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l5svp1yPTO1qzoep1o1_250.png"/><br/><br/><p>The Tampa Improv has decided my show is worth seven dollars.</p>http://pmelt.com/post/831552539http://pmelt.com/post/831552539Mon, 19 Jul 2010 06:27:01 -0400If this casting call isn’t an indication that everything you’ve...<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l5dzk4dbHU1qzoep1o1_500.png"/><br/><br/><p>If this casting call isn’t an indication that everything you’ve ever seen on TV is fake, you’re living a lie.</p>http://pmelt.com/post/801795353http://pmelt.com/post/801795353Mon, 12 Jul 2010 08:00:41 -0400Photo<img src="http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l5cx383GZG1qzoep1o1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/>http://pmelt.com/post/794723658http://pmelt.com/post/794723658Sat, 10 Jul 2010 15:35:32 -0400"I’m from Joplin, MO. It’s like the meth capital of the world. Our area code is 417 and..."“I’m from Joplin, MO. It’s like the meth capital of the world. Our area code is 417 and that’s, like, the police code for meth. But it’s very cosmopolitan.”<br/><br/> - <em>Some fat girl at the film shoot I’m on</em>http://pmelt.com/post/789926336http://pmelt.com/post/789926336Fri, 09 Jul 2010 12:11:04 -0400I don’t know where to start.<img src="http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l56v4f5Kux1qzoep1o1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>I don’t know where to start.</p>http://pmelt.com/post/780993814http://pmelt.com/post/780993814Wed, 07 Jul 2010 09:07:00 -0400Matty Ballgame's Laugh Lounge: line up for July 6th<a href="http://laughlounge.tumblr.com/post/777072103/line-up-for-july-6th">Matty Ballgame's Laugh Lounge: line up for July 6th</a>: <blockquote> <p><span><img src="http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l555pmYXyS1qzkc91.jpg"/></span></p> <p><span>Moshe Kasher: (@MosheKasher)<br/></span><span>Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, Chelsea Lately </span></p> <p><span><br/>Adam Hammer: (@AdamHammer)<br/>Tours the country w/ Jo Koy, Improv Regular, Performed for the troops in Afghanistan<br/><br/>Patrick Melton: (@Pmelt)<br/>Sirius XM Radio, Jameson Comedy Tour, Nobody Likes Onions Podcast <br/><br/>Jarrod…</span></p> </blockquote> <p>I’m on this hullabaloo tonight.</p>http://pmelt.com/post/777453309http://pmelt.com/post/777453309Tue, 06 Jul 2010 13:19:13 -0400I saw this place near my house and got excited, but then I...<img src="http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l4ynoa6i7F1qzoep1o1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>I saw this place near my house and got excited, but then I realized it was a pet store and not a buffalo wing restaurant.</p>http://pmelt.com/post/763825807http://pmelt.com/post/763825807Fri, 02 Jul 2010 22:45:20 -0400This is all I can show you of the set of a show I just attended...<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l4wxxcHbdJ1qzoep1o1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>This is all I can show you of the set of a show I just attended a taping of. I can’t even say the name. I don’t want to get in trouble. Just know that I’m very fancy.</p>http://pmelt.com/post/760243696http://pmelt.com/post/760243696Fri, 02 Jul 2010 00:31:17 -0400