Just sit in a restaurant by your gate for hours, and when you pay, and the waitress says “have a great flight”, just stare at her with lifeless eyes and say, “flight? i don’t have a flight.” and then start laughing crazily, and walk off.
About
I'm a comedian living in Los Angeles, CA. I like to make people laugh and write things. I can make you laugh or write things for you. Go ahead and try me.
Things I Do
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“I smell popcorn. Where is it?”
This guy has shouted this in my face twice in two minutes.
Sometimes I get weird notes after the show. This girl made a play on her name - “Taryn it up!”
I won’t be calling.
Dogs at 1000fps = family fun.
If you don’t know who Eddie Izzard is, find out.
"I like it when girls use their mouth first, or as I call it, their louder vagina."
— Theo Von
"No, but you should have in the store."
— Me on stage to a woman who asked if I was putting her gaudy necklace down.
Ohio has many snows.
I’ve been online for over an hour on this flight, and still have 6:14 minutes of battery left. I don’t know what kind of laptop you have, but mine is better.
(via steveagee)
Stay classy, Jay.
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